It is looking like a cold holiday season in Lapland as Father Christmas becomes the latest victim to suffer at the hands of a global credit crunch. Irresponsible borrowing against property equity, higher gift demands and escalating fuel costs have left the multi-national Saint red in the face.
Year-on-year children are demanding more expensive gifts which are causing a strain on resources. Such a demand would not be a problem if the bad child: good child ratio was high but, despite what nearly every section of the media may report, child behaviour has remained pretty much constant over the last 20 years.
Mr Christmas has been cushioning this deficit by borrowing against the rise in his property portfolio over the past ten years. After the collapse of the subprime market in America and Northern Rock in the UK earlier this year, property prices have levelled out and could indeed drop. This would not be enough to spell disaster for Mr Christmas but combined with other economic factors, there could be trouble ahead.
Head Economic elf, Snowcup Freya, said: “There are a number of factors that are causing a strain on this year's gift production budget. Take for example the ongoing instability in the Middle East, this has caused oil prices to rise above $100 a gallon. Most people think we use reindeers for all our shipping but that is only the tip of the iceberg, we have a lot of haulage delivered in less magical ways. To add insult to injury coal prices have risen as well, meaning the typical punishment for bad children has become more expensive”
Several solutions have been suggested to ease the pressure. Economists at the World Bank are looking to moral philosophers, religious leaders and school dinner ladies to see if the definitions of good and bad can be shifted. The suggested target would see almost 75 per cent of children being classified as “bad”. This move has come under attack from Amnesty International and found little to no support in a Newsround poll earlier this week.
Another solution would be a bail out from a financial institution. This is the most popular move amongst children as it would almost certainly maintain business as usual for the foreseeable future. Critics argue that it is unwise to pour more money into a business model that is unstable and that this risk is compounded by the fact that the organisation is headed by a CEO whose very existence so many people call into question.
Due to the international nature of Mr Christmas' business and Lapland’s refusal to take responsibility, it would seem that nationalisation is out of the question. This means that if things do not improve Mr Christmas may require external, private investment.
Rumours in the city are that mining company Snow White ltd have been showing interest in a partnership or buy out, they are definitely in a strong position after the great performance of the commodity markets this past year. Coca Cola are also favourable candidates as they have had a long working history with Father Christmas.
A spokesman for Mr Christmas was quick to play down the option of a takeover in the near future: "This is a long standing family business and we have weathered much worse over the years, we have no intention of going the way of the tooth fairy."
Although neither Mr nor Mrs Christmas were available for comment last night, Snowcup Freya made this statement: “Mr Christmas has been under a lot of strain recently and I would like to ask the public to be considerate in these hard times. Any small donations left along with the carrot for Rudolph will be warmly received. Also, it is our feeling that Orange juice rather than brandy should be left out for Mr Christmas so there is no repeat of last year’s un-pleasantries." |
